Robinson Crusoe discovers thousands of ‘half-naked savages’ having it large on Ibiza. James Bond is on a mission, as a 24-hour call-out plumber. ‘The young stable lad is a moody fellow,’ say reviewers of Wuthering Heights in The Good Hotel Guide. Hans Christian Andersen gets into the subprime mortgage racket. Stephen King attempts a love story that doesn’t involve buckets of blood. Robbie Burns cheers on Andy Murray at Wimbledon. And Harry Potter is left high and dry when Ginny kicks him out and keeps the house. Re-mixed and re-imagined, this is literature but not as you know it.